Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in marriages. Differing financial habits, goals, and levels of financial literacy can create tension between partners if not addressed openly and proactively. Her thrift spending worries you because “why doesn’t she ever think about the future?”. His wearing that one t-shirt on dates annoys you because “why won’t he spend more on himself?”.

With the right approach, couples can use finances as a tool to strengthen their relationship rather than as a source of division. Here are 10 ways of how to treat finances in a marriage to build a strong, unified financial future together.

1. Open and Honest Communication

“Tell me about your relationship with money” should be a question that should be asked on the second date. Failure to have open and honest conversations about money can lead to a divisive marriage.

One of the fundamental pillars of financial harmony in marriage is open and honest communication. Couples should have regular, judgment-free discussions about money, including:

• Income sources and expectations
• Debt obligations
• Spending habits and concerns
• Short-term and long-term financial goals
• One’s relationship with money.

These conversations should be ongoing and revisited periodically, especially as financial circumstances evolve over time. Transparency helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust between partners.

But these things may not always be communicated openly. There are ways to figure out this information indirectly. For example:

• Observing Spending Behavior: Notice how your partner handles money in everyday situations. Do they frequently make impulsive purchases, or are they mindful about spending? For example, do they splurge on luxury items without hesitation, or do they carefully compare prices before buying essentials?
• Discussing Financial Decisions Casually: Bring up hypothetical scenarios to gauge their mindset. Ask, “If you suddenly received a large sum of money, what would you do with it?” Their response can reveal whether they prioritize saving, investing, or spending.
• Listening to Their Past Experiences: Pay attention when they talk about childhood and past financial experiences. Stories about growing up with financial struggles or abundance can reveal their deep-seated beliefs about money.
• Observing How They Handle Financial Stress: Notice their reactions to unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Do they panic, ignore the issue, or take proactive steps to resolve it?
  

2. Aligning Financial Goals

A marriage thrives when both partners are working towards common goals. I mean, doesn’t the saying go, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”? So as two become one, make sure you both have that one vision you are both working toward. Setting financial goals together ensures that both individuals are on the same page. Goals can be categorized into:

Short-term goals (e.g., saving for a vacation, paying off credit card debt). “Hello, Zanzibar!

Mid-term goals (e.g., purchasing a home, building an emergency fund). “I can see our kids having so much fun in this backyard! A coconut, mango, AND guava tree? Paradise!” (And yes, that was my childhood).

Long-term goals (e.g., retirement planning, wealth creation, leaving a legacy for children). “I’d like our kids to have a leg up when we leave this earth.”

Having these goals in place makes it easier to prioritize spending and saving decisions.

3. Choosing a Money Management System

Couples often wonder whether to merge finances completely, keep them separate, or use a hybrid approach. The best system depends on individual circumstances, financial habits, and trust levels. Here are common approaches:

• Fully combined finances: All income and expenses go into a joint account, and both partners have full access.
• Fully separate finances: Each partner manages their own income and expenses while contributing proportionally to shared costs.
• Hybrid approach: A joint account is used for shared expenses (e.g., rent, bills, groceries), while each partner maintains separate accounts for personal spending.

Each approach has its pros and cons, but the key is to agree on a method that works best for both partners. Once agreed upon, no take backsies unless both parties agree to change it.

4. Budgeting Together

You already do everything together but you can’t sit and budget together?

A well-planned budget ensures that money is allocated wisely and prevents unnecessary financial stress. Couples should create a budget together that accounts for:

• Essential expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, insurance)
• Savings (emergency fund, retirement, investments)
• Debt repayments (snowball vs avalanche)
• Discretionary spending (entertainment, hobbies, gifts)

Using budgeting tools or apps can help track spending and make adjustments as needed.

5. Dealing with Debt as a Team

I’m sure you’ve heard of that one couple that got divorced and during the proceedings, one party found out that the other party had racked up so much debt, and because they were married in community of property, the debt is now shared.

Debt can be a major stressor in a marriage, but it’s important to approach it as a team rather than assigning blame. Couples should:

• Disclose all existing debts openly.
• Develop a repayment plan together.
• Avoid taking on unnecessary new debt.
• Consider debt consolidation or refinancing options if necessary.

A collaborative approach to debt ensures that one partner doesn’t feel overwhelmed or isolated in tackling financial burdens.

6. Planning for Emergencies

If you are a man reading this, I am sure you know how you feel when your wife says “whoopsie” when she’s driving the both of you. Your pockets dread it. If you are a woman reading this, I am sure you are thinking, “Why am I driving when my man is there? #passengerprincessforlyf”

Emergencies don’t knock on your door and ask for permission to happen. They just happen. Life is unpredictable, and financial emergencies can arise at any time. An emergency fund can provide a safety net and prevent unnecessary stress during difficult times. Ideally, a couple should aim to save at least 3-6 months’ worth of living expenses in an easily accessible account.

7. Investing for the Future

Beyond daily budgeting and debt management, couples should focus on growing their wealth together. This includes:

• Investing in retirement accounts (e.g., pension funds). By the way, when did you last look at your pension fund statement?
• Exploring real estate or stock market investments. Compound interest goes a long way.
• Planning for children’s education. Kids are expensive. Stay prepared.
• Setting up life insurance policies. Could add to your legacy planning.
• Investing in yourself. The courses and degrees you add to your name can increase your earning potential.

The earlier a couple starts investing, the more financially secure their future will be.

8. Respecting Financial Differences

It’s natural for two people to have different approaches to a lot of things. I mean, he wanted to dress up like an Akatsuki on your wedding day and you contemplated whether he was sane or not. The same goes for money. Your relationships with money may mean one is a saver while the other one is a spender. One may prefer real assets while the other financial assets. One saves for the short term while the other looks at the long term. Instead of trying to change each other completely, couples should strive for balance and compromise (like agreeing for him to dress up in a Batsuit instead).

If financial disagreements arise, seeking the help of a financial advisor or counselor can provide valuable insights.

9. Keeping Financial Independence

While joint financial planning is essential, maintaining a level of financial independence can also be beneficial. Each partner should have some personal spending money that they can use without seeking approval, as long as it doesn’t interfere with shared financial goals. This helps reduce friction and allows both partners to enjoy financial autonomy. Strive to reach a point where you can buy that Porsche or G-Wagon without it hindering your shared goal.

10. Reviewing Finances Regularly

Time changes, and so do people. Financial planning is not a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. Periodically, couples should:

• Review their budget
• Adjust their financial goals
• Reevaluate their investments
• Have financial check-ins after major life changes (e.g., job loss, inheritance, childbirth).

Regular financial reviews keep the couple aligned and proactive in their financial decisions.

Strengthen Your Finances, Strengthen Your Marriage

Marriage is a partnership in every sense, including finances. By fostering open communication, aligning financial goals, budgeting wisely, managing debt together, and investing in the future, couples can build a strong financial foundation. Treating finances as a shared responsibility rather than a source of contention ensures a stable and fulfilling relationship where both partners feel valued and secure.

At the end of the day, financial harmony is not about how much money a couple has, but about how well they manage and plan for the future together. And remember, just like you would go to a doctor or therapist when things are not looking good, should you need financial help, seek out a financial advisor.